Just a note...these meetings are about you, not him or his substance. They are about setting boudaries for ourselves, learning to let go of our obsession to control things that are not ours to control, learning to heal and find peace and to help us find the beauty in every single day. Things I learned at meetings serve me well in ALL areas of my life today and in all relationships.
*Said with love in my heart*....stop thinking and "maybe-ing" and start doing. It's action that will take you to a better place. Wishing things will change won't cut it, trying to figure out what is wrong with "him" and why he does the things he does, and waiting for an apology or explanation will keep you stuck in the sadness. "Do" something constructive for yourself today. Try one meeting and keep an open mind. If you go, thinking it's a waste of time, it probably will be. But if you just listen to others who have been through the same heartache and who are happy and at peace today...just may trigger a desire to get help for yourself.