gemini7
I think all of us have asked ourselves similar question when confronted with the harsh reality of loving someone suffering from addiction.
And, we all have a tendency to beat our selves up a little. I've heard (or read) that it is normal for grief to come in waves that get less strong and less frequent over time... so hopefully your post is one of those waves to be followed by some more good days.
There is always a great deal of grief in loving an addict and letting them go. It often means we let go of more than just the day to day relationship. We let go of our hopes, dreams, illusions of control and realizing the potential we saw in the person. And sometimes even letting go of expecting the relationship to heal something in ourselves we had hoped it could heal. there is a lot to sort out.
While none of us can escape the grief (and it wouldn't be healthy anyway), what we can do is treat ourselves kindly.
We can accept our addict as a person, able to make decisions for themselves without us. And we can accept ourselves as someone who tried something and it didn't work - give ourselves credit for trying and take the time to learn from it.
Self-compassion, and non-self-judgement can help a lot when grieving. I'm guessing that if you were giving someone in your exact same situation some advice, it might be to accept that you are hurt and need some time to heal, to be patient and give yourself the time and care you need.
Grief takes time, and it does get better with time.
Wishing you self compassion and self care. Hugs!