gemini7

I know he's an addict. I know he's not good for me. I know all of this logically. I know I don't want to be with him anymore. Not that he's trying to be back with me. He just abandoned me. I know all of these things.

It's not stopping the hurt. It's not stopping me from missing him. Or the 'him' that I fell for long ago. I know that's not him any longer. I had a couple of good days where I didn't cry at all and felt fairly good. Then today I woke up with him on my mind and have cried off and on all day.

I hate that I even care. He is emotionally unavailable even when not using. There's so many things to tick off of why he's not 'the one'. And I truly have no desire to go through the stress of being with an addict even if he was in recovery. So why do I still have this longing?

I hate it. Ugh. I'm an intelligent woman. I have common sense. What the hell am I doing missing this person so much and wanting him to call or have some sense that he cares? Why? I know I deserve more. I know I don't want to be back with him. But I still keep wanting him to show he cared in some kind of way. He just vanished from my life like I was nothing. Uggggghhhhh.