Hey all,
I hope you are all well
Me? Well, where to start... hmmm . I have just got home from a weekend 'retreat.'. It finishes tomorrow but I left early as I couldn't bear it! 6 and a half months ago I was in an AA meeting, think it was my 2nd week of sobriety and someone gave me a flyer for a weekend called GIRL TALK which is an annual conference of a group of 45 women from AA and Al-Anon (other fellowships are welcome). Over the course of the weekend you listen to speakers, and take part in workshops of your choice. Well supposedly your choice! I booked it thinking ok, I will be 6 months sober and I have been looking forward to it. Oh my God . I hated it!!!!! It was awful. More Al-Anon than AA, it was really bizarre. I felt totally out of my comfort zone. It felt like I was in some weird cult. I tried. I prayed to my Higher Power to help me be open minded and willing and patient and tolerant. It didn't work. I felt resentful towards these Al-Anoner's who were telling me we all suffer from the same illness. Errrr, really? I felt like saying, ok so are you fighting for your life everyday by doing whatever you can not to pick up a drink no matter what?! They work the same 12 steps as we do in AA to help with their ism's. Ie: they don't suffer from alcoholism just the ism. Fine. Whatever. Do whatever it is you can to make yourselves better but don't tell me our illness is the same. My sponsor says they suffer from the same illness but that people are their drug. My sponsor says that alcoholism is a SOBER condition and that my thinking is warped and that's my disease. My head is all over the place. What the **** am I???? I am so confused at the moment. Am I a completely warped individual who needs to check in with a sponsor for the rest of my life?? Or Am I a normal person who became just became addicted to a dangerous drug. The drug alcohol. I am so so messed up. The only thing I know for certaint is that I cannot drink alcohol moderately or safely and the good news is, today, I really don't want to.