...even if he finds sustained recovery again it will always be there waiting to come again. The program didn't fail him, he failed him by stopping and he will fail again unless he submits himself fully and completely to it for the rest of his life, and only if he admits to himself that he is an alcoholic and can't drink-- at all-- ever (saying he admits it is not the same as him believing it and you'll never know for sure if he's telling the truth about this).
he has to prioritize the meetings. he didn't. he relapsed. this is not a surprise to anybody with an alcoholic spouse. if he really wants a happy life with you and your kids he will put the meetings first and, if he has to miss a meeting, he'll make it up the next day.
even then you will have to come to terms with the fact, just like I had to, that it's always there waiting to start again. The clock is always ticking in alcoholics-- always. i've been listening to it for 16 years because, ultimately, she always relapses. My inability to leave her has ruined my life. I entered our marriage a happy early 30-something and personally and professionally successful. In my 50s now, living check to check, and a failure by every measure. I believe that's what happens when you are too weak to leave.
Please consider Alanon for yourself in order to find a way to be happy. It's for you, not him.
Good luck.
Cyranoak
Originally Posted by
CantTrustHim 
Hi all.
I used to frequent these boards last year when I was going through a tough time with my alcoholic DH. He was at his lowest point, our marriage was barely hanging on, and I asked him to get help. He eventually did and joined an outpatient recovery program for 6 months and transitioned to AA after that.
During this time things gradually got much better. I healed. I was able to trust him again. I forgot about the hurt feelings and anger. Our family life with our two kids was much happier.
He started off attending 2 different AA meetings a week (recommended by the program), but life got busy so he went down to 1. The last few months he'd forget to attend the 1 meeting and soon it was only once a month.
Well, 4 weeks ago, just short of being sober 1 year, he relapsed. I had read there was a good chance this could happen so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He said he would attend meetings again and talk with his sponsor. He's been attending meetings, but the drinking continues every weekend.
ALL those feelings I previously had came back: distrust, worry, hurt, anger, loneliness. All of my skills for detecting when he has been drinking are unfortunately still top notch (was hoping to never have to use them again). All of his straight-up lying to me and denying he is drinking is back. It's really like we are exactly back where we started and nothing has changed.
I wasn't prepared for this relapse to last this long. I thought if it happened he'd realize he made a mistake and stop it right away. Now I think: is this a hopeless situation? Was the treatment program a waste? Wasn't he supposed to learn the tools to get himself back on track? Doesn't he remember what things were like before when they were so bad? Why does he want to go through this again?
I'm not sure what to expect here. Before at least I had some hope a program would help him. Now I just don't know what will and what the next steps should be.
Thanks for reading.