COD,
Is it possible in any way for you and your son to temporarily live someplace else simply to give a bit of physical, emotional and psychological space?
It's a small thing in the whole scope of life that can create new opportunities to start working out.
Things start to change in really good ways as we take new actions.
This has proven to be true in my life and many others. I am still married. It looks much different than I expected. That's okay with me now.
In Al‑Anon we learn how to set boundaries, to say yes when we mean yes, and no when we mean no. We no longer give to others out of obligation, control, or fear, but because we want to give. Once we begin to take better care of ourselves, we can begin to give to others in healthier ways.
Saying yes to new opportunities is very powerful.