Hello COD,
I know that you have said before that you and your wife had difficulty even having a child, and that to your wife, your son is really quite a precious miracle. That she adores your son. I can understand that. You have said that around your son, you never disparage your wife (I admire that)--unlike how you speak freely about how you feel about her, here. Perhaps because of her feelings you think that she might actually change her behavior if she thought that your son thought less of her in a way?
If only our disappointment in the behaviors of our alcoholic loved ones were enough!
Growing up with a Mom who is classic, by-the-book ACoA, my sister and I were subjected to how badly she was affected growing up with active alcoholism all around her, how she thinks she was responsible for everyone else's behavior, how she thinks society judges her on every detail of her life, how she thinks that everything about my sister and I is a reflection on her. I can only encourage you to do all you can so that your son will not end up with the same feelings and problems as my mother.
I won't encourage you to leave, COD. I know you have decided to stay. I will pray for all of you and hope that you can speak the truth to your son without malice toward your wife.