CentralOhioDad…..if you knew how much he already knows, you would be very surprised. Children absorb all the stuff in their environment....the good and the not so good. They might not be able to understand all of the whys, but they observe and record it, in their brains.
I believe that he is about 9yrs. old, by now...? If I am correct, about that...I can remember, that, by that age, I knew lots more than my parents thought I knew....and, in addition, they are learning what things to NOT reveal that they know. lol....sometimes, they will try to approach it sideways....to scout out your opinions....indirectly....
do you remember when he played the game..."What do you like to drink?"....I don't think that he brought that up, out of the blue. He was already thinking about it...you can bet.
You can be sure that he is very aware of Daytime Dad and Daytime Mom. And, he knows about Nightime Mom and Nithtime Dad....and how they interact with him and each other during day and night.
They are like little sponges....and it is their developmental job to absorb their environment , and the subtle information....All of their time is dedicated to that. Where as, the adults, have a million other things on their minds, besides the immediate environment....In this way, the adults are much more distracted than their kids.
I think every single parent underestimates this about their kids. I am often surprised by what my adult children tell me about what they were aware of, when they were little kids....they remember the most amazing things.....lol...I often tell them to stop telling me----Too much information!
Another factor....he is old enough and smart enough, that he learns lots of things when he is out in the world. with his peers. Kids talk about things, to others...a lot! He has also been exposed to media...like television, and has, undoubtedly seen people drinking on t.v., and, seen advertisements for alcohol....And, by this age, has probably been told, in school, to avoid alcohol and drugs….
I don't see any good reason to not tell your wife about it....unless, you just want to avoid an argument....I doubt that she will make any changes, because of it, though....
It is going to come up, though...sooner or later....denial can only last so long...