Well today I actually did screw up. He had an interview on the radio this morning and I forgot to listen to it. I have a lot of excuses: was up a lot at night dealing with sick child, he didn't really tell me when it was, I didn't know it was a LIVE interview, etc. But I guess I could have cared more and done some research myself. I would have wanted him to listen to me if i did a live interview. It would have hurt my feelings, too.
So I called to apologize, saying I was sorry and I'm not sure why it just wasn't on my mind at the time to try to listen. He gave me a knowing "oh... I know why it wasn't on your mind..." passive agressive comment. I asked what he meant by that, he said we could talk about it in our next session.
He has told me repeatedly that he refuses to talk about serious things with me without a third party there because I "get everything mixed up" or I don't hear what he is actually saying.
But I gave him the gift of a very large "button" that he can hold on to for a long time into the future. ("Remember that time you forgot to listen to my interview on the radio!")
It's becoming apparent that he doesn't even see me for who I am anymore. I can't say anything to change how he sees me. That is so frustrating. I am about 80% sure that I'm not the awful person he thinks I am... but there's still that 20% that I need to work on in therapy.
I just---I'm scared---the way things are set up right now, I have our son all the time. Every night. Husband can see him when he wants, I don't ever tell him no, but he just doesn't see him often. I don't want to lose that. I want to put my son to bed every night. Maybe I need to adjust my expectations to something more realistic.