People use their DOC to ignore confronting painful issues... and those issues can and often do include their behavior towards others. This is why I never recommend marriage counseling with an addict who hasn't already been in recovery (for an extended period of time). When I ended my relationship, my AX brought up things I did or didn't do from 10 years ago -- really minor things. And then the major thing: the constant stress of not knowing when the next OD would happen, and having the burden of care of the health of the relationship, killed my desire for physical intimacy with him (I mean, there is only so many times you can check someone's airways for vomit before you start thinking unsexy thoughts every time you're near them). Unfortunately, in his feeble mind the dissolution of the marriage was my fault. Of course, his selfishness and immaturity never had anything to do with the way people reacted to him. Although he thinks he is the exception to the rule, he is like a lot of other addicts. There are very, very few exceptions to the rule. Grown-ups know this. So they are cautious.
Is it normal for someone to get so upset over a button?
Umm... no. Unless that button has some great symbolic meaning. But unless they TELL you what they really mean, they are just skirting around the issue. What you described is someone who is deeply dysfunctional and possibly not very self-aware. Otherwise he wouldn't be going on about buttons and salads. Or maybe he is self-aware (unlikely) but he's also trying to "keep score" -- he's vindictive, he's looking for ways to make you feel insecure (... and he may do this even if he wants to "repair" the relationship because he thinks that being in a relationship with a codie "benefits" him somehow.)
He's also trying to gaslight you.
But the real loser in this game he's playing is him. He is going to destroy himself if he doesn't get real. You have nothing to do with that choice.
You can't force a shrub to be a tree. Just let him shrub. You go tree. Alone. Tree is great. Tree live longer than shrub.