I know exactly what is meant by “being sick and tired of being sick and tired”! That’s why I stopped drinking. My functional alcoholism was becoming dysfunctional for sure. Alcohol was beating me up in every which way. I was afraid of what my future would inevitably bring. I was afraid to quit too ....afraid of withdrawal ( as Ayers described). I made it through with symptoms that were a little scary, but no seizure, no DT’s...I guess that’s what I feared most.
I know for sure that I cannot stop at one or two drinks (tried so many times). I tell myself that thats just the way it is. There’s no sense in me trying to figure out how to drink normally because in that regard, I know that I am not normal.
In a way sobriety feels like surrender for me. I gave up alcohol when it was getting the best of me....I stopped trying to “manage” it. The only power that I’ve ever had over alcohol was in giving it up. And so, when I say no to a drink, I like to imagine myself flexing my muscles and I like how empowering that is.
We have a nice group still here. Curious to know how ALL are doing.