A little update. I'm not sure anyone cares, but it helps me to write it down for my future self
Husband and I have been to two sessions. The first session was pretty harmless--We both talked about our family histories (are our parents together? when did they split? etc). He talked about this 'manifesto' he wrote shortly after he quit drinking, where he basically admitted to being addicted to having people like him. He would try to get girls to fall for him in highschool/college, then once they did, he would be done with them and move onto the next one. He admits to adjusting himself to what he thinks other people want him to say/do/etc. Says he is a people pleaser. (The therapist said something like "but that doesn't sound like you're pleasing anyone but yourself" which made me giggle)
Second session: Husband talked about how he always just wanted to be my knight in shining armor, make me happy, etc. (Therapist said--"but your actions didn't really match that") He views me as 'broken' due to my childhood, I guess.
Then his complaints about me come out:
- He did my laundry 100x, but one time when he asked me to sew a button on for him, I didn't. [I could count on my hands how many times I remember him doing my laundry, and he never even put it away for me, which is the worst part! hahah! Also I remember this button incident, and it was like 8 years ago] He saw himself contributing more to the home stuff than I did, I guess. When he moved out and asked me how I was doing--I said "the work load isn't much different" which was my truth. I guess that really hurt his feelings.
- He was at work and his friend had a nice salad for lunch... his friend said his wife made him the salad... he was jealous, thinks I should make him salads?
- I don't give him back rubs or foot rubs
- I don't compliment him enough
I brought up the pills I found in the trashcan from Russia. He said that they were from an old coat he took to his bachelor party (4 years ago) and he thought they were sleeping pills. I know him and his friends did a lot of cocaine at his bachelor party--not sure what sleeping pills would be for, though, or why you would have two packages of them for 3 nights.
He also complained about me "tattling" to his mom about the pills I've found.
All in all--it was almost bizarre. Like--was he in a different relationship than I was? A different house? And if, when I die, the worst someone can say about me is that I didn't sew on a button... I won't be too bummed about that. I do need to work on complimenting people more, I will admit, and I WAS working on it with him, until I found the hidden stash of pills. Then my desire to TRY went out of the window. But I know I have the capacity.