I very much relate. My perpetual sense of feeling 'different' and not fitting in. I realized for me that its more about self acceptance than anything else. If I accept me, as I am, flaws and all, I'm less concerned with what others think. I think my constant self consciousness and fear made others uncomfortable, because it tapped into their own self consciousness, which just made 'things' worse. Learning to be ok with me is a work in progress, it takes time. A lot more than a couple of months abstinent for sure.
I don't believe in God. Its hard....I feel 'left out'. But I've had to face that fact....rather than fake it or keep trying. I do have faith however. Faith that if I do the right thing, generally the right things happen. I also have faith that the wrong things sometimes happen, that's just life. I can let go of stuff I have no control of without the idea of a HP but that has taken time...just put it out there in the universe somewhere. And keep doing the right thing to the best of my ability.
Hang in there. You're doing great. And all those other Moms? They are focused on themselves and their kids....you just stay focused on you.