I agree - you don't sound fake to me! But I know the feeling you describe. I was so raw at the start, and was scared about what I would find on the other side of my drinking life. I'm an AA person and some (most!) of the "sayings" annoyed the heck out of me at first - especially "fake it til you make it." WTF, I thought?!
But, sometimes, I reframed that to mean "do what I need to do til I feel it's genuine." My husband and I call it making the next right choice. I knew I HAD to stay sober and figure out how to look for the people who had what I wanted.
It's such a learning process. I struggled with self-pity and while I couldn't see it at first, incredible drama-orientation and victimhood. I have learned how to deal with all that, most of the time pretty well and quickly. It all takes time, which is something else I heard that frustrated me.
Keep doing what you are doing, and reaching out because so many of us know what you are feeling and care share our experiences on what got and gets us through.
You can do this- you are doing it - and I'm glad you are here.