It's not self pity, it's how you feel and you're just being honest.
And I can relate. I felt like a fraud, too. I'm not a drunk anymore. But the people who never were, or will be, felt so foreign to me. Surely they wouldn't understand me.
All I had was here and in AA. Where I sat silently, knowing I belonged, but still I felt different. But more comfortable than being around non-alcoholics.
I never had a burning bush moment when god came to me, but my higher power, who I do believe is god, slowly came to me.
As for a higher power, I heard a woman talk about her god box. A box that was her higher power.
Your higher power can be whatever you wish it to be.
I was so isolated when I quit. I was literally alone for months with my thoughts. But I didn't drink over it.
It's been over nine and a half years now since I drank and I have assimilated back into society.
I am part of the world now. I'm still not sure of my place in it, but I'm back.
I don't have 'Former drunk' stamped on my forehead. I fit in sort of.
Give it some time. I think you'll find your place in the world. You belong, and not just here or AA. You have earned that right.
I understand. You're not alone in your feelings. I was an outcast drunk and I'm still an outcast. But ya know what? I'm okay with that.
I've found my sober self. And I like him and don't particularly care what anyone else thinks about it.
Hang in there. You'll find your place in the world. You will.
Best to you.