Originally Posted by
fightingfair 
If I had to sum up the biggest feeling of betrayal at the breakup it's that I thought I expressed that I loved and accepted him for who he is. And that I was willing to be there for him if he needed me. But maybe in retrospect this was another place of my words getting in front of my actual state of being because even though I said my limit was the secret drinking, I think he knew there was part of me now that was tuned in and always watchful. Kinda like having a toddler on the playground.
Absolutely. He got caught drinking now it was all out on the table.
You said:
I panicked and started giving him vitamins! LIke in my head I thought if I stopped drinking and stuck around and did positive things, he would "get it" eventually but in the meantime I would do everything I could to mitigate the effects
And yet when I was honest with him about what I felt watching all the vodka disappear into thin air "there was something wrong with me."
Now this is pretty normal stuff. If he was hitting his head against the wall you would try to stop him! However if he continued to hit his head against the wall, well that's what he wants to do.
Big disclaimer before I say this next thing! In no way am I blaming you or judging you, please know that.
While I'm sure you think you were accepting his drinking were you really?
You gave him vitamins, did he ask for them? Did he think it was a great idea?
About the vodka, he is a grown up, alcohol is legal, he likes to drink. But you didn't like his drinking and I'm guessing, although not sure from the way you worded it that you told him so.
Again no blame or judgement here just that it isn't accepting. It's hard! You love this person and they are beating their head against the wall and you get to watch and they won't even let you put a small pillow on the wall! But it's their head and their wall.
I'm going to quote something firesprite said earlier today in another thread because this is what I mean - "There is no "right" answer, we're just challenging your old thought process with new ideas"
Hope you don't mind me quoting you FS!