I'd get over your embarrassment Hope.
I'm sure that yesterday won;t stop you from catching trains, so why should embarrassment keep you from a meeting?
If you keep ending up in the same dark place your recovery action plan needs work - maybe you need more support, maybe you need to use the support you have more effectively, maybe you need to look seriously at your lifestyle and/or the way you deal with problems...but something has to change.
You need more, Hope.
D