Hope,
I understand your feelings. You probably were robbed while passed out. Glad you were not physically assaulted or killed.
I am coming up on a personal best regarding fully pure from intentional ingestion of booze. The crave was raging a bit the other day while shopping.
The AV was whispering...who cares. Nobody cares. Nobody is coming to save you. Live it up. Do your thing. I literally shook my head to get the thoughts to clear as I approached the check out register.
A few minutes late, the crave was gone. I woke up sober again.
I have to suffer through those craves or face the damnation of relapse.
My mind is forever altered. I have to fake that I am never going to drink again until it really happens.
I have a ton of fun these days sober. My natural dopamine is perculating nicely. It took well over a year to start to feel good generally all the time. These days I get really happy for no reason often. But, I had to suffer horribly to get this much freedom.
The whole time my AV is telling me to drink up. It sits in the dark corner of my mind, patiently waiting and whispering.
Thanks.