I pick up my 30 day chip tomorrow in aa. I attended my first meeting 29 days ago. I had my mom drop me off, I was so so desperate, and also physically couldn’t drive. I was shaking so bad in the meeting I couldn’t sign my name to the phone list. I was also dripping sweat, and could barely walk up the stairs to get into the meeting room. Two nights before I had decided for the ten millionth time that I needed to kill myself and finally be at peace, and take away the misery I was causing my family. I write this out only to remind myself how I feel now, compared to that day. Things are far from perfect. But I am not shaking, I am not sweaty, i am not throwing up, I’m not hung over, and best of all I haven’t once contemplated killing myself since I put down the drink 29 days ago.