Elizabeth.....to take this a step further, in discussion....It seems that both you and your father agree that your mother is controlled by alcoholism and could use help.....and, I don't doubt that this is right...
However, another reality might be that your father might be enabling her....that is almost always true, whether he realizes it or not....
One action that might bring about change, would be for you and your father to attend alanon….
If you and your father make changes....this changes the picture for your mother...…
I don't see where you or your father would stand to lose anything, by this action…..
Nothing changes if nothing changes...(except she would just get worse)….and one stone, tossed into a pool, causes ripples, throughout....
You are right...no amount of shouting and arguing will make her get help....
And.....going to alanon IS healthy for you and/or your father!