Originally Posted by
Surfbee 
And so after showing up at his place in more panic, he now doesn't want to see me right now because of how things went on Thursday and because i called him so many times making him feel distrusted. So I'm the crazy girlfriend now.
I thought I was on track with the detachment self care thing, and last weekend i was the best thing since sliced bread to him, but this one I get all these old feelings and memories hitting me hard.... And so now I'm to blame.again and he's even more superior because he's not drinking now.
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Yeah, this type of thing really hurts doesn't it? One day he's in tears telling you how much he loves you, misses you, can't live without you. He makes a lots of promises that things will change. So you give him another chance. Then he's a jerk to you because you can't find something to watch on tv? And he can't get off facebook to spend time with you? And he can't be bothered to shoot you a text telling you where he's at on a Friday night? And after he practically begged you to take him back, he doesn't want to see you because you're the crazy, controlling girlfriend? These things don't add up.
And now you're doubting yourself and you're spending time reading about superegos and you're trying to figure out why he's irritable and what he's up to. And is he seeing this other woman and where is he at and what is he doing, etc?
If you are like me, these cycles have taken a HUGE toll on your self-esteem, and your ability to feel confident and "normal" and happy without this person in your life.
To be clear, your gut is absolutely right. It's not weird or wrong to be worried about what he's doing or if he's drinking. He’s mad because you made him feel distrusted? Darn right, you don’t trust him!!! Why would you trust him? He's shown you repeatedly in the past that you cannot trust him, and that he usually reverts to drinking. Trust takes a lot of time and effort to rebuild. And he's treating you like crap even though he may not be drinking. It's not anything you are doing. Nothing has changed. From what you’ve written, he’s really only caring about himself.
Yes, you can learn to detach, to not get involved, to protect your feelings, etc. in the hopes that someday down the line he may get recovery. But consider if things continue the way they are now, is this the kind of partnership that you want? If you are being 100% honest with yourself, do you see things changing for the better? The only thing you have riding on this relationship is the little bit of time that you have lost. And it wasn't/isn't a waste. You've learned a lot about yourself and what you want and don't want in a partner. But you can walk away. What if in two years you’ve found a man that is thrilled to spend an evening with you regardless of what is on tv. What if he takes you out and the thought of him getting drunk never even crosses your mind? What if he communicates with you about where he’s going and what he’s doing? What if he keeps the promises he makes? What if he makes you and your feelings a top priority?