I know the first few days can be the toughest, but man this one has been tough.
Cravings all over the place. I also catch myself imagining future drinking situations. Imagining myself going out to dinner with a drink, as soon as I'm working again and back in shape. It's hilarious how delusional you can be. "I'll drink as soon as I get the things I lost because of drinking!"
The underlying algorithm will be tough to dismantle. I suppose the reality is that before I drank daily, I drank in almost any social or romantic situation. Naturally, those associations need to be redeveloped.
I applied to a ton of jobs today. On one of my last binges, I managed to drink a little before two job interviews, was offered both jobs, and drunkenly refused both. My psyche has simply come to favor this entitlement to freedom, but it will be to the detriment of my savings if I don't get back to work. And, of course, the more free time I have, the more I will be at risk to succumb to the AV.
I know I will make it through today. I may wake up with natural hope, but if not I should look for some positive podcasts to fall asleep to or something. There is a job fair going on very early for part time labor work, which is not something I do...but I figure it will keep me busier, get my body moving again, give me some money, and I'll still have time to grind for other jobs.