Why No Contact Is Neccesary
While many of you know my story, and my eventual somewhat-victory of leaving the relationship with an alcoholic, I never truly went NC. I regret this. This is probably the best advice I never followed but was given by this community. The reason for it is because I still find myself impacted by him even if we no longer see eachother. We still talk and text often and I am sometimes overwhelmed by his words and still feel the familiar pull of sorts. You really can't do it half way to let it not effect you anymore. I really thought I could beat the age old wisdom of NC and have it both ways - leaving, but staying. Staying, but leaving. Because I struggle with issues of abandonment (me abandoning others), I thought I could pull it off.
He stayed sober since the double amputation he endured due to his drinking. He was sober for 9 months which is the longest stretch we've seen in years. Unfortunately even the surgery was not his bottom and he fell off again recently. If we did NC I wouldn't have to feel the familiar twinge of unease when he doesn't respond to see how he is doing. If we did NC I wouldn't have the mental enslavement of wondering how this time will end up. I could have had real peace just going about my life not knowing.
While this time is markedly different from others since I have been physically and romantically removed from him for quite some time, the lack of NC has still kept me involved in his story. While I am not panicking imagining him dead or ringing his phone off the hook to look for him, I still feel those familiar, albeit less so, moments of discomforting concern.
If you are leaving a relationship with an addict or in the midst of doing so, I couldn't agree more with the members of this board in saying you must go NO CONTACT. You can't do it half way just as the addict cannot keep booze in the house even if he isn't drinking (though I'm sure some long enough in their own recovery may be able to?).
I finally blocked his number today. I don't want to know how the chapter ends anymore for him. It is completely out of my control. And that I accept. I feel sad for him and anyone who cannot beat this disease. My heart goes out to them. It is wretched and while yes they can choose to go into remission at any time, I don't know that they all can ever reach it. Some people just don't. And not for being lazy or not trying. I truly believe some people just can't beat the beast for whatever reason.