Cannot quit - too old, too far gone!
Sorry this is such a long post but if it encourages just a single person it will be worth it. I have some sober time, 3 years and 9 months but find it hard to give advice to people's posts sometimes because any advice given comes in isolation.
It is like giving advice on replacing a failed engine component but without understanding how the whole engine works and what caused the component to fail.
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Too old, too far gone was certainly how I felt in 2014, I was 54 and had been a heavy binge drinker for over 35 years and drinking full on alcoholicaly for the last 7/8, by which I mean a MINIMUM of half a bottle of whiskey on a weekday night, (that was me "moderating") sometimes it was more and a lot more at the weekend.
That is not a league position report, there are doubtless people who drink more or for a longer period but I feel it is important that people should that my alcohol addiction was "up there" with some of the worst. I am not just someone who drank too much from time to time.
As you can see I had an addiction that was killing me physically, destroying my relationships and jeopardizing my job.
But I couldn't quit. Much as I needed to stop drinking I was overwhelmed with cravings every night. If I survived a day they would be back the following day, and the day after... I started reading SR and other forums ("lurking at this stage, I had not joined yet) I could read about other people' s success and this gave me encouragement, I embarked on another "quitting for good" journey full of hope.
But still I couldn't quit. I think I am good at "white knuckling" I had quit smoking years ago and not started again despite my drinking but this was too much. I couldn't do it. No matter how ill I was feeling from the day before I would trudge of out to buy more poison. Rinse repeat daily. Not being able to resist the cravings is terrifying, in my last couple of years of drinking my longest period od abstinence was only 23 days, I couldn't even hold out a month. I did use AA and indeed I did get some comfort from the fact that other people with similar background, experiences and drinking habits to mine had managed to quit. It wasn't enough though for when I was on my own and contemplating going to bed without drinking.
Ultimately, some time around the end of 2014, early 2015 I knew that the only way I was ever going to succeed was to reduce the cravings so I tried something born out of desperation rather than a carefully crafted and thought through plan.
I forced myself to overcome huge reluctance and to get up and out of bed at 5.45am, to go outside and walk or jog. Every day (almost) no matter what the weather, for a minimum of an hour. It was hard to begin with, I was starting in January and did not even have waterproofs. But set against that was the fact that this was the fight of my life, I could not carry on like I was for much longer.
The result - by 9pm in the evenings I was shattered but in a good way. Bedtime was now something to be savoured rather than feared and it took place at 10pm rather than blacking out at midnight or 1am. Actual craving time was reduced by 80-90%. Another benefit that occurred after a while I felt fitter and started eating much more healthily. Lastly my mood and spirit improved as a consequence of the diet and exercise and I am now content with my own company and living in my own skin so to speak.
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That is not supposed to be a magic blueprint to be copied to achieve success, it is just what has worked for me (so far) and after posting a version of this as a response to someone else's post I realise it is far to long and involved to ever post it again. I think the main thing to take would be that it pays to keep searching and analysing to find something that will work for you.