Dear Dandelion--you are worth everything good and you can have a meaningful, happy, dignified, sober life. I know it seems impossible to see it now; I have been in those 'hopeless' places, but there is always hope as long as there is breath. Situations can change. You can get better. Don't give up--hang out here with us.
I needed help--a lot of it--to get sober (for me that meant inpatient rehab) and I rely on SR and my face to face support system for daily maintenance.
I thought I was destined to die a hopeless drunk but I'm getting ready to go back to school and finish my degree in social work so I can help people like us. I'm 58 years old so it's never too late. I wish you all the best.