LovePeaceSushi,
One day at a time. It's okay -- and very healing! -- to embrace the wonderful things this day holds, even as someone else has different things they're dealing with.
One thing I'm finding is it frees them to find their own way. Independence and a relationship with their Higher Power, however that expresses itself, is much more important than another adult's relationship with me.
My husband came to see me last month, yet other than that I've been in no contact for more than 4 months now. I love him very much. It's not healthy for kid or me to be around him during active alcoholism or early recovery.
He had almost died a week before visiting me. I didn't ask for details. I was able to smile, genuinely laugh, mention with love there's been many times he's almost died and God must have a plan for him. My focus wasn't on the "what happened last week". It was on the moment of having a pleasant conversation and seeing my husband in a much better frame of mind (for the moment). This was not long after I'd had a long meditation where God brought to me the many incidences where something happened to my husband and I was scared, and worked out all my fears and disbelief. God brought to me time after time of images and memories of my husband being healthy and trusting him to find his way without my interference.
Prayers and blessings for you, your husband and your family. May you find great healing in many ways.