My therapist used to say something to me all the time which is now a mantra I’ve adopted. She said, “Stop ‘shoulding’ all over your life!”
I used to feel like I “should” feel a certain way or I “shouldn’t” feel another way. After saying her catchy phrase - which was meant to bring attention to that behavior in me - she would tell me that it is ok to feel or not feel a certain way. Our feelings are there for a reason - to bring attention to something within ourselves that we need to acknowledge.
She advised me to sit with those feelings, find out the root of them, and then work on resolving the inner conflict where those feelings come from. By stepping back and realizing the “why” of our feelings we can approach them from a place of love (for ourselves) and begin to heal.