Welcome, rye. It is nice to meet you.
I am very sorry,that you are struggling.
Simply put, some people cannot be normal drinkers. I am definitely one of those people; heaven knows that I tried.
Acknowledgement and acceptance are key to recovery. So is WANTING sobriety.
Maybe try making a list of the ways that your life would be better without alcohol. You may begin to see just how much you truly want sobriety and an exponentially better way of life.
A Plan for Sobriety hs been the key to success for many people.
I will post a link to a fantastic thread on that subject in a minute.
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As promised:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...highlight=Psst (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)