Ben, I'm only on day 25, so not the one to give real advice. I completely identify with your comment "This truly is a baffling affliction." I can list 25 reasons why drinking is bad, how much better I feel sober, how much kinder I am to my husband, etc., but then pick up a drink without blinking an eye. I'm a strong-willed person, but wrestle every single day with this AV. I've never experienced anything so difficult to control in my life. And like you, I live with this constant fear/knowledge that I'm going to fail and drink.
But I check in with RS twice every single day. I read every post, and try to gain some inspiration. For now it's my AA, although I'm fairly sure that for me to make it long-term I'm eventually going to need to also join a local support group like AA.
I hated going back to Day 1 when I slipped in August. But I'm here, chipping away at the hold alcohol has on my life, avoiding triggers and celebrating that great morning feeling sober. The cravings have eased up (happened around Day 14 for me), and some evenings -- 5 p.m. is my witching hour with booze -- I haven't had a craving at all! Like Hills, I have these unexpected moments of joy that I haven't felt in a long time.
So that's my long-winded way of saying please hang in there, please keep checking in here, please keep us posted even if you slip a little bit. We have the same alcohol demons you do, and we're fighting them right along with you. We have our good days and our bad days. We'll lean on you when we slip; you lean on us now.
JT, fingers crossed you're feeling a little bit better. And if not today, hang in there until tomorrow. Mike made me laugh yesterday applauding you for doing leg workouts on a bad day 'cause they're bad even on a good day!
Me, I canceled my business trip because I worried I'd slip on booze. It's a big drinking event, 5 days, tremendous pressure from business associates to party. I might be strong enough, but just don't want to risk it right now. Sobriety is too important.
Good luck this weekend, everyone. Lots of triggers, but we're amazing. My plan is to breathe deep, read, hike with dogs, and go hear music. Hang in there, Augustonians!