You know what I’d do if I were you?
I’d stop asking why and start deciding what next.
What happened is terrible. Now you can begin to do the next right thing and start making your long amends by embracing sobriety, owning your situation, paying your price and rebuilding your life..... and maybe one day in some way making amends to the person you’ve hurt.
Why why why.....
Because you’re an alcoholic.
There is your why.
The future still lies ahead for you and your life isn’t over.
In fact, if you choose it, this is just the beginning.