What a day it has been today and yesterday...I'm seriously thinking of looking for a new job, under paid and over worked I currently am, I actually threw some paperwork in the air today out of sheer frustration lol My head of dept, a surgeon, told me that I'm punching well above my pay grade and that I need to go back to my studies because I'm far too intelligent to be in this job. For a man I admire greatly and a very articulate and intelligent one at that, to tell me that, really makes me feel good about myself. It does make me giggle that a man of orthodox medicine is encouraging me to study natural medicine, I do think I need to listen though. Not drinking is a good start for me with this, I didn't feel like I was practising what I preach whilst drinking every night, not living a lifestyle of preventive measures for health insurance, one can not stay healthy by constantly pouring poison down their throat.
Ayers - This Naked Mind is a wonderful book and reminds me of why I don't have a television in my house, nor listen to the news on the radio or the ads. Brainwashing 100% It is all about changing the way we view alcohol, our perceptions and attachments we have, the lies we have beLIEved because we have grown up with it around us. I am starting to feel these changes within me about my perception of alcohol and my outlook on life without it.
In the book she says how alcohol strips away your ability to gain pleasure from normal activities because of the way it changes to brain chemistry. For me this is so true, when people have suggested doing activities that don't involve alcohol, my brain can't see how they would or could possibly be fun or enjoyable so I steer clear of these such things and actually miss out because my brain has always been wired to see alcohol as fun and fun is alcohol, of course we all know where that has ended. However I can feel that this is changing. There is a feeling inside of me that I haven't recognised before, I see a glimpse of feeling joy in a life without alcohol. As I move through these sober days I am gaining new references on things that before were done with alcohol and it seems that the alcohol didn't add to the enjoyment of the situation, that the situation itself is enjoyable. I am referring to activities such as meeting new people, cooking tea, listening to music, being outside on a sunny day, all of those everyday things that were once an excuse to drink and perceived as being more fulfilling or only enjoyable with a glass of wine in hand.
I can't wait to finish this book.
JT - Thx for looking out for me, you know I knew straight away when you relapsed in April, your morning post wasn't there. I don't think it's intrusive that you keep track of when someone posts, I think it's part of being close as a group and getting to know each others habits.
Stay close to us after your day from hell, you can still reward yourself but maybe do it with something healthy because that truly is a reward rather than dripping poison down your throat.
Barbs - I love the pic of your puppy, he/she is so adorable, what is the name? I wish you luck at the final wedding reception, maybe a plan would be a good idea, just so the AV doesn't have a back door to enter by. Just a thought.
Now even given what I've said above, I still have that AV knocking on the door quite hard, not on a daily basis but about these future events, it is trying to come up with all the different scenarios where I can slip in alcohol and why I should.. I have really had to force the thoughts away and create scenarios of not drinking within these upcoming events and make myself believe I can create an amazing experience without the booze. I need to make sure I drive to the 40th so that I don't drink.
Anyway I think it's time to lay down my weary head. I hope everyone has a wonderful Wednesday and I will see ya all on Thursday..
Kia Kaha.