Originally Posted by
emmab219 
Yet every time I get ready to do something, like finally tell him I can't do this anymore, I chicken out. He makes me laugh, or smile. We have a good couple of weeks together and I go right back to thinking...this isn't so bad. I can do this. We can work through this.
I don't know how to get out of this cycle.
Am I crazy?
It's not normal to start drinking at 9am on Saturday and go all day, right? Even if it's not every Saturday? I feel like I don't even know what's normal anymore.
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No it's not "normal", well it is to him, see that's the thing. He's ok with it, it is not a problem for him, it's a problem for you.
SparkleKitty makes a huge point there, it's not actually about you. You say you wish he would try for you because you love him so much.
His priorities are Alcohol then - whatever, you, him, the relationship, whatever it is, it comes after alcohol. If you had children with him they would also be somewhere in that list after alcohol.
Asking an alcoholic to quit drinking is like asking them to stop - being who they are, to stop coping the way they always have to struggle and withdraw and be overwhelmed. It's a huge big deal.
But again, he doesn't have a problem with his drinking (so what is there to work through?)
As for "chickening out" - maybe start with smaller steps, maybe just tell him that you are considering a separation as you are very unhappy. The good is good but it's not enough for you. He will do with that information what he will, that is out of your control.
Then, be prepared to separate, get your own place for a few months, take time to think and look after yourself and relax!
Small steps, it's not all or nothing, you can do this in increments and see how it goes for you.