Originally Posted by
Surfbee 
Yep.... that right there.... the quiet admission to yourself that you were playing with fire... and you knew that his issues weren't really sitting right with you...that's the feeling I'm really wanting to explore and understand...! I think it all comes back to a lack of worthiness and self-compassion ... and a lack of confidence / clarity when it comes to valuing and recognising your own needs.
I agree with this. I definitely had issues with self-esteem and low self worth (although it probably wasn't evident to family/friends/colleagues). One thing that really struck me after the breakup was how hard it was for me to trust my own gut, which made it easy for my ex to manipulate me. This is something that counseling has helped with tremendously. It sounds like you have been talking to a counselor which is very wise.
On the other hand, you did love this guy, and I'm sure he loved you, and so there is some natural tendencies to give the people we love the benefit of the doubt. We want to see them as their best possible self. Additionally, I think when we see someone in pain or having trouble our instinct is to comfort them and help them, which is a great quality. It's just that addiction is so complicated and counter-intuitive in a lot of ways.
So, if we've learned something about ourselves and worked to build a stronger sense of self and confidence, and also realized what we are looking for and not looking for in the future, then a lot of positive things came out of our relationships/breakups
