ShootingStar2

I had to create a new name - ShootingStar2 - since I lost my login information for ShootingStar1.

It's over 6 years since I first came here and found the awesome support and wisdom of this site - it was like an enveloping hug when I hurt the most.

I divorced my narcissistic abusive alcoholic husband, and you were here with me through every step. I couldn't have done it without SoberRecovery and an extraordinary therapist.

Now, 6 years later, I am in the most loving relationship I have ever known with a man who truly deserves the accolade "sweetheart" because he has the sweetest heart of anyone I know.

We've bought a house in the little town by the ocean where I have lived since I ran away. My fiance had two beautiful 70 lb labradoodles, and they just wouldn't fit in my in-town house with only 3' of yard, so we moved to a house with a backyard and woods. We lost them this past winter, and now have two little labradoodle puppies and my faithful dog, now almost 11 years old.

I left my former husband on July 4th 2012, snuck out of the house with my little dog and one suitcase after my credit card fraud unit called me because my then husband had charged over $1000 on my credit card for online prostitutes. I drove down that narrow windy mountain 7 mile road in a thunderstorm with lightning all around me, ironically, on Independence Day, and I never went back. My old posts are under ShootingStar1, and I had so much extraordinary counsel and support.

It took me well over 2 years to even consider dating again, and it was worth the wait. I went through such an intensive process - first doubting myself and not understanding that I had been abused and gaslighted. Then gradually taking that in, and stopping mourning for all I had lost, Stopped mourning for him and my dreams of what I wanted our marriage to be, what I thought it was. Began to let go of feeling guilty for leaving him. Then beginning to realize who he was and how badly he had treated me. Then going the hardest step of all, and owning that, despite his abuse, I was also part of the problem.

That was the turning point for me - putting him aside and looking at me - who I had been, and what I had chosen, and why. With that came a lot of pain, disbelief and anger at myself, and it was worth it. I was part of the equation of our relationship, and I needed to understand and own that in order to change and grow. And I did.

I am happier than I ever was, and my grown children are close and have welcomed my new love into our family. I still have fragile points from the PTSD, and I am not perfect at all, but I love the life that my fiance and I are building. His motto is "Go forward, and make things better" and that is, despite our occasional missteps, a wonderful way to live. We're not perfect, but we love each other deeply, and we are committed to learning and loving each other.

I wish all of you, who are in the midst of this turmoil of loving an alcoholic, the very best, and the freedom and self confidence to choose health, whatever that may be for you.

Shakespeare wrote: "True compassion is ruthless", and I believe that. I needed to commit to getting as close to bedrock honesty as I could. You can do this, too. You can survive, and what's even better, you can thrive! Believe that the future can be better than the present and the past.

Would love to hear from some of you who were around back then,

ShootingStar2