Bumblebee2

Today is 100 days, not one drop of alcohol.

Thoughts -

It was hard, but I had to change... things were getting scary bad. I still am amazed how lucky I am that I didn’t hurt/kill myself or someone else.

Big changes had to happen- include telling my husband and family about my problem, seeing a therapist and taking medication

Withdrawal was bad on day 1 and 2. I could not function. Waste of space. Worthless mother and wife. Embarrassed. Ashamed. Couldn’t eat... never really ate while drinking. Especially at the end.

In the last 100 days, I created a bad habit of over eating and possibly a chocolate addiction. I’m working on it, and allowing myself to overeat at times. At least I am not drinking.

But because of that I have gained 15 pounds. I was very underweight, and it was probably necessary for me to gain some.. but not a fun thing for a female.

Life does get better, and it does get easier. I honestly would wake up in the middle of the night, take a few sips of wine and go back to sleep. Wake up, drink. Clean the bathroom, drink. Cook dinner, drink. Triggers were everywhere.. the thoughts of drinking still happens. But. Way. Less.

Life still sucks sometimes. I had to learn (and I am still learning) how to deal with my feelings. Including the uncomfortable ones. It is way easier to drown your feelings with alcohol, instead of dealing. Stress and anxiety still occurs daily.

I get asked if I want a drink a lot. In the last 100 days i cannot even guess how many times I’ve heard ‘wanna glass of wine, beer, drink?....’ It causes all kind of emotions. Jealousy, pride, annoyance, sadness, grief. But I can avoid it, it is going to happen for the rest of my life. Unfortunately that is the way society is. But I don’t have to be.

Nothing, absolutely nothing is better then waking up sober. No hang over. Rested (sometimes.) And drinking my morning coffee to enjoy it, not to survive.

In the last 100 days I went on two vacations. Both week long, with family and alcohol. They were fun, relaxing and enjoyable. It was hard and sometimes boring without alcohol.

I do laugh more, like a real haha laugh. I worry less about stupid stuff. And I certainly do not have to be concerned with when, where, how I’m going to get drunk.

I dream now, which is cool. I never had dreams when I passed out, or maybe just didn’t remember them.

I’m hopeful it only gets better and there is more good... and less bad and ugly.

Everyone has a day 1- I had a lot of them. But you got to start somewhere. Start yours today 😊