I think with me I know exactly what id want to do in life with hobbies and everything. I love history, potentially museums and castles, coffee (decaf), holidays, football and various other things.
What it comes down to is my overall ability. Before family deaths (and the depression, PTSD, isolation and complex bereavement) I worked, I regularly tried going places and doing things. put myself in positions to potentially meet people, yet nothing ever came of it due to anxiety symptoms.
It's a bit like, if I went to a coffee shop, that should be fun right? A time to relax, savour the taste of a nice drink. My experiences are shaking, headache, stomach upset, cramp in legs, jumpy movements, brain fog and distress. It takes the enjoyment away and with symptoms like that, it's impossible to socialise.
The big part is the isolation does cause me distress and allows the depression to continue like it is. It's clearly out of my own hands to change it, even though i'v joined groups and tried going to various places.
There is a sense of urgency for me. The isolation, the depression, it's killing me. I need serious changes ASAP, yet as above, can't change my situation because of symptoms and lacking the skills.
Alcohol is that thing which allows me to walk into a busy pub on a friday/saturday evening, it reduces my symptoms hugely, stops me feeling on edge with anxiety symptoms. Then, i'm able to make small talk and engage with people.
I will have a look at that guy's video's. I guess it's where he has different circumstances (53k subs and adverts on his videos generating revenue), so it's a bit different with opportunities and options.