In recovery I found that I had a lot of issues related to intimacy and sex... sometimes libido issues, other times erectile dysfunction issues, other times inability to last a rewarding time before climax.....
It turns out that my issues with depression, anxiety and sexual anxiety over many years became something I ‘treated’ with drugs and alcohol.
Getting sober meant coming to terms with all that plus the damage I’d done to my mind and body.
Things are much better now but it took time, it took therapy and for me, eventually it also took a low dose medication to treat my depression which also became apparent was part of my struggles with sex.
Sexual drive is a complex symphony of things that are all impacted by addiction and recovery. It’s physical, emotional and biological all at once.
The best course is patience and understanding and encouragement to communicate and take steps to be well and balanced overall in recovery. Do those things and the sexual and intimacy side will find a new place of goodness and balance. Along the way, try being open about your own needs and desires and express willingness to find your needs filled in different ways. If he likes to cuddle and be close the chances are he loves you, wants intimacy, wants sex but is scared and anxious and conflicted by his body’s own lack of cooperation.....
There are other ways we can exchange intimacy and sexual pleasure apart from intercourse. Assure him you’re open to all of those, you love him and also that he’s not alone. This is totally normal in recovery and - frankly - in ANY relationship of any length there are times when one or both partners will experience sexual and intimacy challenges. We are humans, we are complex, we are not sexual robots.