No option to quit?
Haven't posted in a while but I guess it's an idea to post a bit tonight.
Like i'v said before really. With alcohol I know it is an awful thing. I know it causes harm, yet it feels like i'm stuck.
On 1 side you have me with the anxiety and aspergers. I'v never been able to socialise properly. I worked before the depression got so bad, I'v also been a carer. 1 thing that is so true is never being able to make friends due to my health problems.
What I guess I learned is alcohol does something, it can mask symptoms. I go from "yeah" "oh" "yep" "mhm" in an awkward conversation to very chatty. To someone able to hold a full conversation, socialise better after having some drinks.
The essential part of it is before drinking like I do now, is I had my close family members (my mother and her brother, my uncle). No friends? Unable to socialise? Fine. I wasn't isolated, I got on with both of them well. They died though at young ages.
So then there's the other side....
Dead family, isolated, unable to socialise or make friends. There's actually nothing to keep me going. I feel rubbish every single day, depression, anxiety. I'm totally lost.
The NHS? Absolutely useless. I'v seen GP's, CMHT'S, Therapists, Primary mental health nurses, who all will either play things down, not understand or simply ignore the facts and stick to the "1 size fits all" treatment. So no help from them.
It's kind of like I have to take things into my own hands. Do I not drink ever again, live like a recluse, struggle to continue.....
Or..... Use alcohol go to pubs on busy weekend nights hoping that i'm in the right place at the right time with those symptoms reduced to meet some new friends, where I can fully socialise.
I'm actually inclined to some extent to pick the latter. Which becomes tricky as I know how much damage booze can cause, but.... it feels like what other choice is there?