I'm going to comment before I read any comments.
I'm in my own place now and had to leave the home AH and I shared. We had no kids together, just dogs. He is in recovery as his job forced him to go because they had had enough of him and his ways. I am very disinterested in it because of the hell he's put me through during our 7 year marriage. I just don't care anymore. He's been begging me to tell him where I live and I just can't do it because I went homeless trying to find my safe place. I don't want him at my house. I don't want him making trouble for me and my landlord. I don't want to fix this mess, even if this his last chance at sobriety and he makes it. I don't want it. I don't want it because I know who he can be at any given moment and it's too much for me to bare.
I told him last year, when I came back after being out of the house from April til June that this was his last chance. He knew I needed surgery on my right foot last August and in February of 2018, he knew I needed surgery on my left foot. In March, he decided that for whatever reason that he was going to drink and he threw our last chance away. He refused any outside help and told me I needed help, not him. He made me feel like this was all my fault and if I weren't such a witch that he'd of never drank. So, in June, I left. He's been horrible. Accusing me of cheating on him. Sleeping with my co workers (I work in a prison so he calls me the DOC Who're), I'm nasty and well... blah blah blah. Whatever.
Now that he's in rehab, he wants to fix this. He wants me to think about him and give him another chance. I'm making the biggest mistake of my life, we could make so much money together, yadda yadda yadda.
I had my foot reconstructed on Wednesday 9/5. He was no where to be seen because he's living it up in rehab even though he knew I needed him before he destroyed his last chance. It is not an easy surgery and with my other foot, I am up to 14 screws and 2 plates in both feet. I needed him and he is not here. My best friend is and ya know what? He can stay the heck away. Oh and I think I forgot to mention... I've had to drive to his house for the last 3 weeks (50 mile round trip) to take care of his dogs because no one wants to help him. Not even his damn son. It isn't the dogs fault.
So... if you've read this far, I get why you feel reluctant and get so short in wanting your little visits with her to end. I completely get it because I don't want to see my alcoholic at all. I don't want to save this marriage. I don't want to work on it. I don't want any of it. Just let me alone. I'll find my way through life as I'm sure you will too. You owe her nothing as she felt you didn't deserve a good marriage. She and he felt like they weren't hurting you or me. They hurt us. It wasn't just them in the marriage. We were there too, watching our lives go to alcohell.
I wish you well. If you don't want it, tell her to leave you be. I've told him to leave me alone and I'll call when 11/13 comes around and he can sign my divorce. You deserve to be happy and find someone who appreciates you, tells the truth and doesn't hide a side of them that can destroy the foundation you build. Someday, maybe I'll find someone but for now, I need to be alone because I've suffered so much hurt that it's got me messed up and I'd be a terrible girlfriend. lol I will admit it.