I am 38 and he is 43, only about five years older than me and certainly not old enough to act as if he has infinitely more life experience than me.
I think one of the reasons for my confusion is that when AXBF would screw up, my heart would tell me to give him a second chance and my head would tell me to walk away. With this new guy, my head tells me to give him a second chance and my heart tells me to walk away. What I'm learning is that my head and my heart need to be on the same page.
I hadn't considered that all of this was abuse, but I can see it now--and I can see how this will only degenerate over time since he is, ostensibly, on his "best behavior" at the moment. I'm also now reminded of other red flags I had tucked away in my brain:
He never said all of his exes were "crazy," but he did tell me his most recent ex told him he was "mean." I figured she must have had some legitimate reason for saying that. He also told me that he didn't like how much the waiter was talking to us (read: talking to me) when we were out to dinner one night, saying "I don't get to see my girlfriend very often, so I want to spend my time talking to her, not someone else." I'm sure someone else would see this as flattering, but I thought it seemed jealous and possessive.
Ugh. I've been using an online dating website to meet people, and I have been extremely selective before I'll even meet someone in person. I just have to remember that the abusers/addicts/narcissists of the world put up a really good front, but all will be revealed.