New Boyfriend: Red Flags?
It's been over a year since I ended a ten-year relationship with my AXBF and the father of my child. He is no longer in my life or my daughter's. I've started dating again, but nothing very serious until recently.
This new guy and I have been on seven dates. There are many qualities I like about him on paper, but I've noticed that he drinks frequently although not heavily. For example, he'll have a beer or two after work several times a week. I found this noteworthy, especially how it makes me feel slightly uncomfortable, but I figured I'd just see what happens. Then, this past weekend there were red flags flying all over the place, and I don't trust myself to make sense of them objectively. So here I am. Asking you for help.
1. He drank half a beer at dinner and claimed that he didn't want to drink anymore that night. Then, three hours later he wanted to go to the grocery store to get a bottle of wine. He proceeded to have three glasses of wine and half of one of my beers over the course of, oh, about three or four hours. He was definitely intoxicated but not drunk, drunk.
2. We were playing a board game, and when I questioned one of his plays, he yelled, "Are you effing kidding me!?" He has since explained that away as it wasn't directed at me and I took it the wrong way because I'm, you know, a woman and, therefore, more sensitive than a man. *rolling my eyes*
3. He started criticizing the beer I was drinking and was ranting about millennials liking IPAs. Then, he talked about how spectacular his wine was and said that I didn't have the palate to appreciate it. This was not the only condescending thing he said.
4. He started ranting about his ex-girlfriends and categorizing them into "types" where each type had this list of great qualities with one big shortcoming. I mean, does he really think I'm amused by this conversation? He came across as very bitter. He said he wishes he had put his last ex in her place because she, apparently, belittled him all the time. I told him that if I've learned anything from being with an addict, it's that you can't control or change other people. He argued with me on this point for quite some time...
5. He constantly questions information I share with him even when I have sources to back up my points. I've told him this is very frustrating, but he continues to do it anyway. It's just a sign of disrespect, isn't it?
I guess my point is that I don't know if there is an alcohol problem here or not--or if it even matters or not. There is so much more that I'm not sharing because it's really a TMI kind of situation. I'm just really confused. He eventually apologized about most of it, but now he's saying he was "caught off guard" by my reactions to the things he said. It reminds me so much of AXBF who would totally admit to having a drinking problem one day and then downplay and minimize the next day.
All of the dates prior to this last one were perfectly fine, but now I'm questioning my judgment. Am I suffering from PTSD because of my ex? Or are these legitimate red flags?