Two things I tell myself when this comes up for me:
The 3 C’s - it is HIS alcoholism: you didn’t cause it, you can’t control it and you can’t cure it.
Also Q-Tip: Quit Taking It Personally. My XABF would pick a fight with me when he either wanted an excuse to drink or if he had already been drinking because he was upset with himself for “failing to abstain” and wanted to make himself feel better by projecting his inner anger and disappointment onto me. He wanted me to feel as bad as he did.
Alcoholism is a hurtful and lonely place and he would rather not be alone in his suffering. I could always tell what emotion he was feeling by what he spat at me in anger. Last Friday’s accusation: “You think you’re better than me? You have serious issues...” (and so on in a drunken slur). He feels that I am better than him and that he has a serious issue with alcoholism, but maybe he can knock me off of the pedestal he put me on and into the muck of pain he lives in.
Good for you for making the decision to spend holidays by yourself (or at least without him). Be kind to yourself - it is a lot to deal with.