Originally Posted by
Awal 
He only managed to reduce me to tears today because it was our anniversary. Any other time lm pretty tough...just didn't expect it today. Seems lm selfish...treat people like sh*t, and so on. Icould really do with some tips on coping....
Few things, first of all detachment, which I know you already know but it is the most useful tool in this situation. You can't stay mired in the dysfunction because it will hurt you. Not just on these occasions when it really "gets" to you and you feel hurt and cry.
Even when you are pretty tough, these things do have an affect and it is cumulative, unless you have some way of deflating it and fighting back (within yourself, not by bonking him on the head although I'm sure that has probably crossed your mind!).
I can't remember if you attend Al-Anon or any other support group or if you have counselling but if not I would really recommend you seek this out.
Two things about being tough. One, it isn't endless, you can't keep taking the hits and expect it won't break you down after a while, secondly if it is going to continue you need a defense and that help will probably need to come from other sources, like a counsellor. If that is not an option then the self help group as mentioned. You need support and lots of it. Again, being tough isn't enough.
Which brings to mind a question, is that how you want to be, how you want to have to be, tough? Is that you?