Originally Posted by
marie1960 
That future tripping will get the best of us every stinking time.
Cannot tell you how many times I worried about my girls going off with their dad, and finding out that their weekend plans never panned out. Seems all those plans ended up on the back burner the minute it did not benefit him.
Your kids will not always be little, and as they grow they will be able to express their likes, dislikes, and concerns. And before you know it, they will be able to participate in school activities, and sports, and his visits will be revolving around their schedules of activities.
I know it’s easier said than done, and I know too well how unpredictable an active alcoholic ‘s life can be, and unless your kids safety has/ is continually compromised, ( sorry, I don’t remember your whole story) best to take a huge leap of faith, and trust that he will not allow any harm come to them on his watch.
I would end up with painful bouts of gastritis, worrying about matters that were completely out of my control. I had to remind myself that ex husband truly loved his girls, and him being a s*ittyhusband had nothing to do with caring for his kids.
Just keep going forward, breathe, breathe , breathe.
Thank you for the positive words Marie. I do believe my X loves the kids but he loves himself more. My kids are currently involved in sports and activities and he still doesn't show up for them. He was a sh*ty husband and father. When he feels like the world is against him he drinks. When is around certain people to try and act cool he drinks. When he is feeling sad and lonely he drinks. When he is happy he drinks. His drinking will always be a concern. After all these years I have learned not to have any Faith in him, its become impossible.
My STBAXH list of priorities:
1. Smoking and drinking.
2. Women
3. Kids
It has become a pattern and I have caught on. My heartbreaks for my kids because they deserve the best Dad. He has 2 beautiful healthy kids and he chooses not to straighten up and do right by them. So therefore, I'm a mess and have a big ball of stress in my stomach when they are with him.