Very very proud of you. This is really hard stuff and there will be setbacks. You're gonna have some grieving to do, be kind to yourself. There is truth in that saying "when you know better you do better." One of the things that has helped me is telling myself "would you want this for your (fill in the blank for me its my daughter, it could be a friend, a sister, a mom, a niece whatever) and if you wouldn't want if for them..... you shouldn't accept it for yourself. That also goes for forgiveness and softness for yourself ex. - if you wouldn't say, judge, get impatient with them , dont do it to yourself. Much love you are doing great!