I thought we were all in this together or if someone doesn't like my post they can just ignore me.
Shredder22 - I'm sorry that you felt the compulsion to look at your exABF's social media nonsense. Please know, we are all in this together, and it goes beyond "liking" or "not liking!" Sometimes we read a member's post and it's like that moment in the horror movie where you scream at the screen "No don't go in that basement!!" because we KNOW what's in the basement!
Getting beyond the need to be liked or the need to like is a difficult but necessary step in changing our codependent minds...it is super hard.
Be gentle with yourself - maybe jot down what you learned and next time you feel some sort of urge or compulsion to indulge in a behavior you know will hurt yourself, review what you wrote down, take some breaths, play the tape all the way through to the end and resist doing that thing that hurts you.
Each time you make a better choice, you are building up your new stronger healthier behavior, stronger muscle. Baby steps will still get you places. And believe me I know - I often have had to learn again, and again....and AGAIN the same lesson. When I am really stuck I realize I have to follow directions (therapy, AlAnon, etc.). And if I continue to find myself having to learn something yet again, then I have to admit I am not following my program, not following directions.....and I am hurting myself.
Try not to let a bad choice like looking at his FB to infect your whole day. Put it in a column, write it down, forgive yourself, allow for the possibility that you can choose differently next time. Then go do something healthy and distracting for yourself. Even if it's just eating an apple! Do anything positive!
The past is gone. You are free in this moment!
Peace,
B.