Metal Rose,
I read your post last night...it was my umpteenth Day 1, too.
I am now on Day 2. I know the embarrassment and shame all too well.
But I am in this for the long haul.
I have to do whatever it takes to stay sober or I may die the next time.
I pray you are doing well and check in daily.
I don’t post a lot but read.
SR got me clean for over 5 yrs and I ended up dancing with this devil again, a lot harder and much deeper than before.....the withdrawal is worse,
But i know God has kept me alive for a purpose greater than my own.
He has you, too.
Hang in, hold on and urge surf.
Going back is not an option for me.
Godspeed.