Anxiety after leaving
My RAH moved out March and I've basically been a single parent since then. ( I have been keeping a log of when RAH sees our toddler old and it averages around 9 hours a week. ) We are cordial to each other, but he has been kind of living his own life right now--he's living in a camping trailer on his parents property and he will take the trailer places on the weekends to 'escape.' He seems to "turn into a pumpkin" after a certain amount of social interaction with anyone. Like he just reaches a point and bails.
We actually went on vacation together (with his mother) the other weekend and it went fine. I enjoyed myself because I had two other adults to help with the toddler so I actually got a chance to relax. Nothing real dramatic happened, he seemed to be his "old self" until the very end I could tell he was becoming emotionally drained from being a parent for that long.
We listed our house to sell in June. I have no idea where I am moving when it sells (it might take up to a year so there isn't a whole lot of pre-planning I can do... ). I will probably rent somewhere until I feel more confident in where my future with my husband is going to go...
Anyway, I feel like I am standing at a cross road and I have no idea which road to take or even which roads are available to take--you know? I'm just kind of waiting to be pushed in a direction. And my anxiety has been awful.
I feel like my husband, even dysfunctionally, was a rock that I emotionally relied on. I feel like a piece of me has been pulled away and I feel very ALONE. Not necessarily lonely, just... alone. I have friends to talk to but they can't help me parent my child, you know? It's scary relying on just myself. Am I enough for my son? Am I emotionally hurting him somehow that I don't realize with my anxiety?
I see two therapists right now (one I share with my RAH, other is just mine) and both suggested that I try some SSRI medication to see if it helps me. I did take some when I was in highschool and suffering with panic attacks and it did help take the edge off. They both say that it's completely normal to have anxiety right now but it does make me feel like something is wrong with me. (I do have an appt tomorrow to see a doctor about medication)
How do I become more confident that I am enough? That I can do this by myself?