Originally Posted by kevlarsjal2

I have to just rant about something for a bit:

First I was told for ages that I am selfish and controlling, that this is who I am as an alcoholic and that I need to work on being more understanding and all that. That I am the cause of my problems and that I need to work on myself.
Now I get told that I am codependent and need to work on myself again, again I am the cause of my problem!

I am so sick of hearing this right now. I had ONE messed up relationship with a dry drunk who has never done any work on himself. Other than that I don't have any issues with other people. At least nothing that goes beyond normal disagreements and stuff like that. Still all of a sudden everyone is convinced that I need to work on myself (which I have done a lot in the past 2 years, therapy and AA plus endless self help books). Well actually not everyone. All my non-AA-friends and my family thinks there's nothing wrong with me.

But I am just so tired of hearing that my relationship failed or that the reason why I tried to make it work for 2 years must be that there's something wrong with me I need to work on. It's always me who needs to improve, get better,... I just can't hear it anymore! I don't feel like there's that much wrong with me to be honest. Maybe this makes me ignorant, maybe I am putting myself on a high horse. But I am tired of getting handed the "crazy / troubled" card.

I am not perfect, no. But why do so many people think it must've been me? Why is it so unlikely that it was my ex who's just not able to have a relationship (he has a track record of unstable and short relationships and the one he had with me was much longer than any other one he had in the past 15 years or so)? I know it takes always 2 but I think for me the work that needed to be done was to finally see through his patterns and then let go of it. And to make sure I will recognise the red flags the next time which I am sure I will. I was just too young, inexperienced and naive to really see them then or to know what they mean.

(RANT OVER)