Struggling
I wish I were over all the heartache .. but I am not. I left XAH in May 2016. He has turned my children against me. One has reconnected and we are tiptoeing around each other. She apologized for treating me poorly- did this spontaneously last week. I was so surprised. I miss the perks of my old life- having someone to come in the door, sharing concerns, feeling financially secure. I don't miss the bad parts, but there were some good parts- the intermittent chicken thing. Anyway, I have been seeing a counselor, and finally caved and went on medicine, but I still cry so much. I don't know what I want out of life. I do have friends, good work, and hobbies. But the loss of my children just overshadows everything. At least there is hope with my daughter- but it is early stages and I think she is still afraid of me. I have been reading about Parental Alienation Syndrome by Amy Baker and it all adds up and makes sense. Amy has some good suggestions and I am hopeful. I think what I am beginning to understand is these two children mean more to me than anything- I would change jobs,live in a box, do anything I could think of to reconnect with them. They were my life for so many years. Maybe that is the problem and I need to just create a life just for me alone. Maybe I am too attached- certainly I am too attached if I expect love from my son who has nothing to do with me. Thanks for your support. Still struggling. Not sure if I am being clear.